photo by becon
Half of Everything
Janelle Meraz Hooper
Half of everything is gone.
Half of the artwork, sculptures, books, and CDs.
Half of the furniture. The chairs, beds, and tables.
Half of them. Gone.
Adrianna moves her half of the tchotchkes around on the glass shelf to fill in the empty spaces.
The two children are still hers—but only until Brandt gets back from his honeymoon in Mexico. When he arrives, the kids, too, will be divided. Well, rather, their schedules will be divided. They will spend half their time with their father and half with her.
Brandt and his new wife have purchased the condo upstairs, so if Adrianna has to work late—or go out of town—the children, six and seven, can take the same school bus home and go upstairs to their father’s.
Adriana is uncomfortable with her ex-husband living with his new wife right above her, with their bedroom right above hers, but the new living arrangements have been hammered out by their attorneys and approved by the judge. The plan assures the children will suffer as little as possible.
How foresighted. How modern. Adriana rushes to the bathroom to throw up. On her way back to the living room, she checks her children. Sound asleep, they show no scars from the turmoil their little hearts have been through during the past year. Most likely, they’ll adapt easily. This new arrangement is tailor-made for children.
From Adrianna’s viewpoint, the new living arrangements are nothing less than pure hell. Her imagination fills in the blank spaces about what her life will be like when Brandt and Catherine get back. Not that there were many unknowns. All week long, she’s used their spare key to let in carpet cleaners, window washers, and electricians. When she passes the bathroom, she notices a photo in a silver frame of Brandt and Catherine in a restaurant. The menu in the photo says Harold’s, a fancy restaurant in one of the plush hotels downtown. A restaurant—and hotel—Brandt has never taken her to.
And their furniture. All new. White silk-covered sofa and chairs for the living room, with matching side tables and lamps. She wonders if Lacy and Stewart will be allowed to sit on it. And where was the furniture Brandt had taken with him? Adrianna guesses that Catherine has piled it up somewhere and set fire to it. This morning, the deliverymen set up a glass coffee table over a leopard rug. A few days ago, Adrianna had pointed towards their bedroom when they arrived with the antique cherry bed. She couldn’t help but run her hands lightly over the scrolled metal insert that accented the deep, rich wood. It was the type of furniture she and Brandt had dreamed about for years. Well, he got it.
She even signs for a UPS delivery of china Brandt and Catherine had picked out. She hasn’t opened it, but the box is from Sepronnie’s, an exclusive Italian designer store on Rodeo Drive.
Moving between the two condos in such a short span of time between deliveries makes the differences in their homes stand out. Adrianna feels her condo looks worn and washed out next to theirs. In a flurry of activity and energy, she repaints her walls, hangs up new prints, and orders new furniture. Her new soft caramel leather sofa and chair are plush and comfortable, but almost indestructible.
In between accepting deliveries to Brandt’s new condominium, Adrianna is looking for work. The courts awarded her maintenance for a few months, calculated to be just enough time to help her get on her feet. She also has half of their investment portfolio, but she’s vowed not to touch that. It isn’t much, because the stock market has taken a turn for the worse, and what was there she’d need someday when she was older. Brandt’s timing has been lousy. Why couldn’t he have checked the stock market before he served her with divorce papers?
On her way to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine, she picks up the latest stack of catalogs that have been delivered by the mailman and dumps them in the trash. She won’t be ordering anything from them this year.
Her life is bleak, but not without humor. Sue, her best friend, has given her a new book about dating for the over-forty. The two sit over coffee at a local coffee shop and scream with laughter at some of the suggestions about where to find men. The real humor is in picturing Adrianna in a local hotspot wearing one of her current outfits. They imagine her sitting at a table in a jazzy club wearing her button-down oxford shirt, chinos, and soft leather loafers. All around her will be much younger women wearing sequins and tattoos. Later, on their way to their car, the two spot a tee shirt in a store window with a marijuana leaf on it. The purchase is playfully considered, then finally rejected because it doesn’t have any sequins.
Laughter aside, a new wardrobe is definitely a must. If not sequins, at least something silk. New jewelry, shoes, and handbags will be needed to go with the new outfits. The jewelry, surprisingly enough, is the easiest to upgrade. The local shopping channel has fake diamonds set in fourteen-caret gold that look as good or better than the real thing. One classic pair of studs will do for now.
Adrianna carefully weighs each purchase with an eye toward her new lifestyle. Each time she enters a store, she goes over a mental checklist: no turtlenecks, no shoes with laces in them, no dowdy beige, and no purses that look as if they’ve been sewn from an old parachute.
One day she comes home from interviews and finds two sombreros on her dining table. Brandt is back. He’s used his key to come in and leave the hats for the children. While she is wondering how she feels about her ex-husband having the key to her condo, she puts on a new CD to mask any sounds that might be heard from upstairs.
She admits to herself that, although it rankles her to have Brandt and Catherine have keys to her place, it is the best solution, as the kids will be going back and forth. After all, she has the keys to their place, although Catherine will most likely ask for them soon.
Adrianna is mentally ready for the first time she opens the door and has to meet Catherine face to face. While she is out that day, she’s had her hair shortened and highlighted. The shorter length brings out the natural curl in her hair. Her daily walks with Sue have taken off a few pounds, and she feels good. She also looks good, she decides as she passes a mirror. Maybe she’ll try some of those makeup samples her friend gave her the last time they went for coffee.
She is on her way to meet the school bus when she runs into Brandt. “Hello, I saw the sombreros for the kids. Thanks.”
“I missed them. I thought I’d go meet the bus. Do you mind?”
“Not at all. I’ll go back in, and you can surprise them.” With a smile and a wave, she turns and goes back inside.
Well, that didn’t go too badly. Maybe civilized people can co-exist. She pours herself a glass of spring water and sits down to read the want ads. When her phone rings, she hears Lacy’s sweet little voice, “Mom? Is it all right if Stewart and I go upstairs to Dad’s?”
“Yes, that will be okay. Thanks for letting me know. Don’t you want to stop by and get your sombreros?”
“No, we’ll see them later. Thanks, Mom.”
“Da nada.”
Adrianna starts dinner and turns on the shopping channel. Maybe she’ll window shop her way through the New Year. She doesn’t have to buy anything and the television channel is on twenty-four hours a day.
Weeks go by and the transition from married woman to divorcee goes smoother than Adrianna expects. She adjusts to seeing Brandt and Catherine together. Brandt never seems uncomfortable. It was almost as if he has two wives. Adrianna can tell his easy attitude with her galls his new spouse.
Adrianna finds a job as an assistant to a marketing manager in a small firm downtown. Whenever she is asked to schedule lunch with a client, she makes a reservation at Harold’s. Before long, she is as accustomed to the menu there as she is to the burger joint she takes her kids to. So accustomed, in fact, she is almost getting tired of it. She is thinking of switching to another restaurant soon but it will take a while to research a new place suitable to host business lunches.
Before she has a chance to find a new location for lunch, she has to set up a meeting with a new account. To save time and stress, she books a table at Harold’s. She and her boss, Jim, are there early so they can make a good impression on their new clients. Adrianna always sits facing the door so she can see their guests as soon as they come in.
She isn’t prepared for what she sees. Brandt. With another woman! She watches mesmerized as he smoothly guides his new catch to a small table on the other side of the room.
“Someone you know?” her boss asks.
“Yes. No. I mean, yes.” Apologetically, she looks at her boss and explains, “I know him better now than I ever have before.” Before today, it has never occurred to her Brandt is the type of man who will fool around over and over. She has assumed he’s turned all of their lives upside down because Catherine is the love of his life.
Jim looks across the room and sizes up the couple. “Look who’s here. Your ex?” He guesses, “That’s not his new wife?”
Adrianna shakes her head no.
“Well, that didn’t take long. He takes his new photo phone out of his pocket and points it toward the couple. “Let’s have some fun.”
“No!” Adrianna protests, but it is too late. Jim has already left the table and is moving closer to get a better shot. She has to grin at the sight of her boss hiding behind a palm tree and snapping photos like some cheap private eye. He even walks with a swagger on his way back to the table.
“Here. Check this out; I was really close. I deleted the others.” Jim holds up the camera so Adrianna can see it, then pulls it back to concentrate on the phone’s keyboard. Brandt’s information is in his emergency directory; with a push of a button, he sends the photo flying across the room to Brandt’s phone. Adrianna tries to melt into the booth’s upholstery—somehow she knows this isn’t a good idea, but can’t imagine how it can do any permanent harm. Brandt will probably look at the photo as a prank. She plans to plead innocent of any involvement. Just a little harmless fun, Adrianna keeps telling herself.
But across the room, the phone never rings. Adrianna and her boss wait and wait. They don’t know that Brandt has loaned his new photo phone to his wife, Catherine, for the day.
The end.
My novel, Geronimo’s Laptop, historical fantasy/humor, will be available soon. Look for it on Amazon.
In 2021, The Los Angeles Times chose the play I wrote about the Apache leader, Geronimo, Life on the Reservation, as one of its 19 Culture Picks. This novel is an extension of that play.